


Prank

by marzichan



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: AU, Gen, Superstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-03-05
Packaged: 2017-11-01 05:53:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/352746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marzichan/pseuds/marzichan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Christmas. Dirk decides to leave Jake a present for him to find upon his return. Superstuck AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prank

**Author's Note:**

> Superstuck is a Homestuck AU based in a world where supervillains and superheroes are a common sight. In this AU, Jake is both a supervillain called General Terror and the son of the infamous Lord English. You can find out more by visiting [this page.](http://generalterror.tumblr.com/faq) This story was originally posted [here](http://generalterror.tumblr.com/post/14898527799/you-return-home-feeling-both-battered-and-tired) on Tumblr.

You return home feeling both battered and tired, your wounds still healing from the Christmas festivities. Otto helps you when you allow it, but you’re reluctant to rely on him completely. You don’t want him to realize just how worn out you are, although the moment he does a vitals scan that secret is probably bust. Oh well. You can at least try to keep some of your pride intact.

When you return home, the lair seems too cold and dark. You would wonder if Equius is still away for the holidays, but the silence in the lair answers that for you. You sigh. “Otto, let’s get everything running again, shall we?”

He leaves you to deal with the lair’s defenses and heating system while you go to collect the mail that was left for you while you were away. You’re definitely surprised when you notice a couple wrapped boxes among the junk mail.

“Gifts…” You mumble, reaching out to draw one into your lap. “For me?”

The bigger box turns out to be from Galactic Gungirl, another local villain who is less nasty to you than her apparent-boyfriend, Commander Greed. Then again, even a hero is more pleasant to deal with than that tool. You smile as you read her note, your spirits lifting briefly as you tear open the wrapping paper and open the box.

A pair of polished antique guns rest inside the carefully padded interior, and you suck in an awed breath as you lightly caress the length of one of the revolvers. Guns have always been pleasing to you. After all, the smooth feel of cool metal, the comfortable weight in your hands, the satisfaction of hitting a target… no other weapon could compare. At least in your own opinion. So you’re happy to have some new guns to add to your collection, even if by this point you could literally make a pile out of it. Not that you would anyway! It would be incredibly disrespectful to all these lovely firearms.

Smiling slightly, you reach for the second box. This one is from—The Tailorbird? Your heart skips a beat when you notice that your nemesis has signed the tag with his distinctive orange ink, the words ‘D. Strider’ followed by ‘(The Tailorbird)’ as if he belatedly realized you might not recognize his civilian name.

You roll your eyes, since of course you’d know it was _him_ , and rip open the wrapping paper. You would be lying if you said you didn’t feel a little thrill of excitement. Tailorbird actually bothered to get you something for Christmas? Maybe this whole holiday wasn’t as horrid as you thought after all. You’re so relieved that there might be a nice ending to this terrible ordeal that you actually begin to tear up, much to your embarrassment. You smile and chuckle at your own foolishness as you rub the tears away and finish opening the gift.

You stare.

“What… the devil-fucking dickens is this?” Your hopeful happiness transforms into indignant irritation almost instantaneously. You pull out the Tailorbird’s ‘gift’ to you, your cheeks only getting redder as you grind your teeth in annoyance. “Goddammit, Strider, I thought you were actually a good guy for a moment there!!”

In your hands rests a gun-handled dildo.


End file.
